Published December 5, 2024
Getting a New Lens, and Seeing Clearly
The Complexities of Domestic Violence Part 3.
When I was thinking about what to write this month, I was thinking about how different I am now than I was back then and how some of the things I did for the sake of keeping peace make me laugh now. I remember making spaghetti after I was apart from my abuser and I went to break the noodles in half because that’s how I had to make it before or he would be upset. I had that sudden realization that I didn’t have to break the noodles in half anymore. I could leave them whole :) Such a silly thing, but yet profound. It just wasn’t worth the battle for so many things. It was just safer to always make sure certain things were done a certain way, or not to do some things at all, or to agree with what he said regardless of my personal thoughts. It is hard to always be walking on eggshells trying to do right to keep him happy and the anger at bay. The sad thing is that in the long run, it doesn’t really matter what you do or don’t do when he is ready to be mad; he is mad. He can always find a way to twist it around so its your fault that he’s mad- it just makes you feel crazy.
It takes a good lens adjustment when you get out of that to become healthy and see clear again. I don’t know hardly any women that make it there without a good counselor. My counsellor was Bob Martin and he is a truly amazing man. He helped so many women and teenagers break free and see clear. Please `suggest counseling if you are in a position to help an abused woman if it is safe for the woman to do so. Always know there is help out there and feel free to call me if you need ideas for yourself or to come alongside someone you love and help them break free.
