The Complexities of Domestic Violence

As some of you know, I was in a relationship with a severe imbalance in power and control for 17 years.

When I finally exited the relationship in 2004,  I stayed at the women’s shelter in Custer and left my room cleaner than when I came. And consequently ended up working at the women’s shelter in Custer, WEAVE, for 12 years as a shelter advocate. Over the next couple months, I will share some different aspects from that relationship and things that I learned in the process of healing. This month I wanted to share how working at the women’s shelter all those years and  going to support group twice a week, attending counseling, going to workshops and helping so so many other women make sense in a traumatic time,  that I look back on my relationship and ex spouse with sadness and empathy and thankfulness for being able to help so many women because of the experiences I went through. 

I took great comfort in being able to be the voice of calm in a storm for a woman and her children at a time of crisis and being able to advocate for them to have a life free from domestic violence – control,  verbal, emotional, physical abuse. If you- or anyone you know- is in an unhealthy relationship, the first book I recommend you read to understand better the dynamics (and for them to read if there’s a safe way for them to do so) is “Why does he do that- Inside the minds of angry and controlling men” by Lundy Bancroft. It is a phenomenal book that can bring a lot of understanding and clarity at a time when nothing makes sense. I would love to hear from you if you have stories to share that might help others. And I will share some over the next couple months. Thank you so much for taking your time to read this and I hope that this will help.