Why Does She Stay?

The Complexities of Domestic Violence Part 3.

This is a question that many looking from the outside in often ask. Everyone’s relationship situation is complex and unique and there are so many reasons women stay.  Most relationships are not all bad and the comfort of keeping it all together is very strong.  Leaving is scary and may put a woman in a dangerous situation.  Often she has been isolated and doesn’t think she has  the support she needs to leave. And leaving generally means that she needs to be ready to lose his family relatives and that they might even turn against her. Just the fear of what he might do if she leaves might keep her there much longer than she should stay.   A lot of the time the abuser controls the finances completely and she has no money/resources to leave.  One of the biggest fears a woman has when they leave is the fact that she will have to hand the children over for visitation and she will not be there to protect them.  That is the main reason I went back one time after I left because I could not stand the thought of sending our young daughter to visit him without me being there to protect her. Then if you add the fact that a lot of abusive relationships have levels of codependency, low self-esteem, alcohol or drug abuse sometimes, chronic health issues, etc…. it is amazing as many women get out of abusive relationships as do.  It is very hard and means a new unknown life for her and her children.  A lot of times it is the desire to protect the children that gives her the strength to finally leave.  (I would like to say that I am using ‘she’ for the abused and ‘he ‘for the abuser generically as it is most often that way; however, it is not always that way.)